It's been a few days since it all happened, and I still can’t wrap my head around it. How have you left me? I was so excited to see you because I had received messages from Maa, N & D saying you would arrive on Sunday morning. I was ready for our little commutes together; me, you and grandma. I had been messaging and calling you, yet no response. I was really looking forward to seeing you soon. You arrived Sunday morning, and I had a little event, so I was going to see you the next day. In 24 hours. You couldn’t wait 24 hours? I don’t understand. I can’t even grieve properly because I don’t understand. I’m just here, trying to process it all.
I’ve been scared to lose you ever since secondary school when the thought first surfaced. No one will ever understand this. Since childhood, you’ve always been there. You have done nothing but make me feel wanted and loved when others didn’t. You would check my homework and sign it every day after school. You would always say “Nicky, should I save it for you?” whenever I got gifted money and we’d laugh because we both knew it was a trap. You would always give me money when I wanted to buy something down the road. I would lay in your room when I was younger as we watched Tom and Jerry; you watched it a lot. I think that was your favourite cartoon or something, because of you, I liked it too.
And now I’m here without a goodbye, feeling like I disappointed you. You had so much faith in me and I’m still not where we both thought I’d be. I miss you and I don’t even know how to express it because this time even if I call or text, I know there is no one on the other end. I always find out how you’re doing from Maa, but now, even she can’t get to you. I've been trying to be strong because everyone seems to be coping better than before. I don't want to make them sad by crying around them. It's extremely hard acting okay before the next person comes in the room. The only eighty-year-old I knew who would go for walks to keep himself fit. Everyone knew I was your last born and now you’ve left me. Alone. A few hours before I was going to see you. Why? I know the pain you were going through has come to an end now, but the pain I’m going through has just begun and I don’t know if it will ever go away. I keep trying to remind myself that everything happens for a reason. I don't know if it's working much. They say in all things we should thank God. It's so hard, but I'm trying to. I miss you. And I love you. Forever. The perfect gentleman. My grandpa, my father and my friend. Till we meet again. Rest in peace Commander Addo. I know your Father in Heaven has welcomed you with open arms.