I've been told a few times I'm "stubborn" because I question the intent behind people's demands or "suggestions". Why do I need to do that? That doesn't mean I won't, doesn't mean I will; I simply want to know why. It comes with learning to build boundaries, at least for me.
I realised I'd been passive most of my life, so I decided to be more intentional. Knowing the reasons behind people's statements or actions will help you see if they are things you need to subscribe or unsubscribe to. It allows you not to follow blindly. A lot of the time, they are just projecting.
Our parents and other people around us significantly impact our paths in life. I'm sure there are many things your parents did that you do now, not knowing exactly why. You need to ask "why?" because some of their beliefs and decisions are deeply rooted in scarcity, fear or shame. Things they have experienced have shaped them and could be indirectly shaping you, making it hard to fit through doors meant for you. You may have accepted limitations based on another person's fears or insecurities.
Old age comes with wisdom, but the wise know there's always something new to learn, regardless of what you already know. No matter how many things you have in common with someone, you have different beliefs, experiences, strengths, ideas, and probably other dreams and desires. No two people's paths are ever identical. Trying to mimic their life or build the life they dreamt for you is unfair to yourself and neglectful of your own needs or purpose. Who's to say it won't work for you because it didn't work for them? I wish we were encouraged to make mistakes more growing up. I can fail ten times and make it right on the eleventh. There are infinite ways things could go; this is something I'm still trying to teach myself.
Parents are supposed to give you the tools you need to make your own decisions, not make them for you in your adulthood. Even if it makes them a little anxious, they should feel confident that you're old enough to know what's best for you, and if that doesn't work out, you will try again and again till you get it right. They should be talking you through your choices and not putting fear in you to take the path they took or wished they could have taken.
This might be a little touchy for some, but your parents' only duties are to provide for your needs and give you the tools you need to survive your life choices. You can do things to honour your parents but ensure that deep within, you never stop honouring yourself and what you need because that is way more important. Live for you and not for them; you are not here to "right" their "wrongs".
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