I’m at a place in my life where I need intense healing from so many things, even stuff I had no inkling I was affected by throughout the years. Although I seem to be more comfortable opening up and being emotional, I hate it when I have to go deeper than ‘surface level’ with my emotions.
It’s like it’s cool being emotional but not THAT emotional, because I think it makes me look and feel weak; I don’t want to look weak. I don’t want people to know I hurt, I don’t want people to know I care, I don’t want people to know I feel, because in the past they have been the same ones to take advantage of my vulnerability. But after all that acting and sweeping emotions under the rug, it’s only myself I’m kidding. Everything comes out when you’re least expecting; we have no control over how people behave towards us but we are our own responsibilities. If you can’t make sure you’re right from within, everything you put out will have a pinch of your unmentioned past. You’ll have ghosts of your pasts dwelling with you till you’re ready to address their existence. If never, then they'll be with you forever. Good luck with that.
I’ve realised a lot of us try to ignore our emotions in a lot of situations and it's rather unhealthy. Trying to act like you don’t feel pain only worsens and deepens your wounds. You can fool anybody, but you can’t fool yourself. The day it all comes out is the day you wish you would have spoken about or expressed certain things way sooner. The more you allow yourself to feel emotions and dive into the deep, dark corners of your past, the more you allow yourself to heal and not carry forward hidden problems and baggage into your future. Either deal with the issues now or wait it out and your issues will torment you.
We are human beings, and what we do is feel; we are supposed to, and we are allowed to.