Sometimes I feel so low, but I can’t really talk to anyone because I feel like I’m always bringing dark clouds around them. I feel so guilty. I don’t want to be selfish, I’m sure they have their own problems too.
On the other hand, I just wish they’d know, because it would help to have someone to talk to in the moment. I wish they knew. I mean it helps but it never helps enough, there’s nothing I haven’t heard before and at this point I’m not sure if I want to hear anything or not. It's confusing. I don’t even know what I want.
I really am just tired of feeling helpless, useless, aimless just tired of feeling like ‘less’ really.
I’m always hearing, ‘why don’t you just…’ like I haven’t heard it all before, like I haven’t tried it all before. Really looking forward to the day God Himself will finally talk to me, because I need something no short of a miracle. The migraines are actually enough, I feel sick. It’s so hard when you feel like maybe you can manage some things bit by bit, but that will not change the most problematic things. So, everything is pretty much useless. Lol I feel like I’m speaking in parables. But yes. This is how I feel on this given day. Been waiting for this to end for a long time, maybe its time to accept that it won’t.
(If this post is bad vibes I'm sorry. I didn’t have anyone to speak to, so I needed to express somehow. You were probably expecting a hopeful twist at the end but not today. It gets like that sometimes.)